2012 Golf Tournament Line-up:

The Teams: 

1	“All But Retired”
A	He was there in September of 2002 doing his Chevy Chase before the first game – “This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy….”  He single-handedly brought the body-fat percentage on the Steamer down to 31%.  He is named after a Montreal Canadien, but we still love him - the most decorated golfer in tourney history as the 2007, 2008, and 2009 champ - # 22 and # 91 – Jacque “The Carpenter” Cocagne.
B	He somehow met Shane at some hippy concert and then became the keeper for over a year as Chub was out during his splenectomy (Chub said it was a penile reduction).   He may have hit the best shot in tourney history – a 250 yard 3-iron to within 6 feet – as part of the defending champion 2010 team - # 34 Matt “Boris the Blade” Lee.
C	A special returnee and Steamer legend for his You Tube worthy hit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rAgVUvbq9M  He centered the original grinder line (with 25 and 13) and was one of the leading goal scorers when he retired – and is still in 9th place.   His team record of “one more half-beer before I leave the bar” is 15, and considered as untouchable as Wayne Gretzky’s 92-goal season.  The original # 19 – Chris “CQ” Quarton.
D	This guy was once voted the league fattest player and puts the lummox in “out of his element team captain.”  Luckily for him, ugly goals count in your career totals!  Sadly, he also incorporates the “lumbering left-wing” strategy into his golf game.  Despite that he is a member of the 2008 and 2010 championship golf teams - # 13 – Joe “The Tripod” White.
2	“Original Members’
A	This original founder and co-captain is renowned for his ability to turn one shot into several, and I am not talking about Golf.  Never met a ref he didn’t need to classify based on their perceived intelligence.  He has a fondness for old wooden clubs, and La Jolla – 2008 champ - # 9 Adam “K-Pax” Devoe!  - Scratch that - he pussed out!
B	Another Steamer original and multiple tournament organizer, who handled the sweet polo shirts a few years ago.  He is not afraid to drink out of the cup and raise the nudity level in any locker room – 2006 champ – # 34 Freddie “Thunder” Ingham.
C	This guy puts the pork rind in the phrase “3rd line grinder.”  He has more nicknames than a hip-hop mogul and he may ride his bike home after the tourney.  He is also the founder of the legendary “Beef jerky and Fu Manchu Sunday!”  Presenting ‘the’ # 25 – Craig “Natural Goal Scorer / The Howitzer / The Maytag Repair Man” Harrer.
D	Another first-generation member of the Steam, and multi-tournament organizer.  Luckily for him, ugly girls count in your career totals (hold on, what?).  If he hasn’t offended someone in your family, they have not met him yet!  Referred to as “the ball-washer” – not for golf reasons, but rather his post-shower toweling regimen – a 2005 champion – # 7 Frank “The artist formerly known as the shot-pimp” Ingham!
3	“Friends of E5”
A	She seems like a nice girl, I have no idea how she is affiliated with this event.  Quiet in the post-game, loud off the tees – 2005 Champ – Anna “Don’t call me Francois” Giguere.
B	His name sounds Irish, and Frank will try to confirm that lineage after the tournament.  ‘They’ imply that he is just here for the beer – Conor “Which way to the red tees?” Ryan.
C	She had relations with the young Jedi and still married him.  Then she had his child.  She is nothing if not a trooper – Taya “Magic Hands” Skarda.
D	A former Division II All-American,  soccer player, who is begrudgingly associated with this event.  She is mostly known for crude gestures during the team photo at the Pepsi Center and being asked by Frank “Where were you when I was single? – Kristen “why do 40-year olds keep hitting on me?” Geyer.
4	“Team Idiot -- re-vamped”
A	The newest Steamer member playing golf.  Even though he is a Red Wings fan – we still love him.  While his high-school defense partner ended up in the NHL, he took the more glorious road to ‘Steamer ringer’ - # 67 – Matt “Lidstrom is my real Dad” Jeffrey!
B	Another full-term Steamer (?) – he has participated in every charity hockey and golf tournament.  He has been the artist on several jerseys and all the golf t-shirts.  Taken under the wing of the shot-pimp and Obi One-piece Composite, he lived through it - and somehow flourished as a hockey player.  A 2005 champion and the future (is now) captain of the Steamer - # 5 - Eric “the young Jedi” Skarda.
C	Another original member – started out as # 37 on the blue line.  After two seasons, and an immense number of penalty minutes, his mental health evaluation required him to move to goalie.  He has been there ever since.  If they gave out trophies for peeing in the cup or driving a cart in the lake, he’d need a new mantle - # 30 – Brian “Chub Rock” Eloe.
D	Former co-captain of the Steam and Bruise Brothers combined “JV” team at DU.  She has taken more physical abuse (see the video on the blog) on the course than John Daley’s caddy.  She somehow grasps the stupidity and is always a gamer – # 15 – Laura “Bubbles” Eloe.