Ask the STEAMER?

Dear Steamer -

I was wondering if this group of Red Wings is more likeable? You know that turd Chelios barely plays, LaPointe and McCarty are gone, Maltby has stopped molesting collies, and they are loaded with Euros. I feel like I should not hate them. Please give me some advice.

Kindest Regards - Dick Shrivel - Chicago, Illinois

Dick -

Shake yourself and stop being a sniff! You should always hate the Red Wings. The fact that they have rid themselves of fighters for that sissy Mr. Rodgers angle is even more irritating. Keep the faith and go Penguins!

A little help from a model American, Bill Guerin, is below!

-- Toe Socks, Steamer Staff

Player Profile - # 71 - Anthony Fontana

Name: Anthony Vincent Fontana
Position: Wheel Barrow, on the bottom - or Defenseman
Number: 71
Why?: correlates to the number of lesson plans he finished in one night at Milo's!
Nickname: Bada Bing (obvious reference to Strip club in The Sopranos); shallow throat; chowder beard; Kirk Maltby's cellmate.
How we know him: He answered a personal ad for young defenseman not afraid of male nudity, occasional binge drinking, possessing a monster shot from the point and an abnormal gag reflex. Or he was a teacher with Shane "Professor" McCardle.
Scouts said: "If he could dial in that 90 MPH howitzer from the point, there'd be a lot less dead teammates and lot more broken goalie nuts. His slap shot is sort of like a drunken teenager swinging an aluminum bat at a pinata." "Most frightening slap shot the Steam has ever had, though a bit erratic with his accuracy. Skates very well with good closing speed on D and a great backskating poke check, where he can effectively poke check without stopping his feet or getting caught flat-footed. Solid vision on the ice, and is capable of shutting down an opposing team's top player."
Game reminds you of: a more-limp-wristed Brad Stuart. Or maybe Joe Corvo or Duncan Keith (a bomb from the point, slick skating and a little mean streak).Best line on the ice: "Sorry I had to tea bag ya Chub."
Thanks for: being a constant good sport as the whipping boy (it was inevitable being the youngest and from Detroit). Your willingness to get together and drink beers, watch hockey, and be stupid on a moments' notice. While the forwards will be safer when you leave, your hockey ability and being a great guy will be sorely missed!

NHL 08-09 goal of the year - candidate # 12

Buffalo Sabre Thomas Vanek with this beauty versus the anthem-booers.

Updates on the AVS....

As Eric said - was this guy sitting at the next table at Milo's listening to us? I will save my Next Pierre Lacroix tirade until later in the Summer, but really - who liked the AVS moves? It is important to note that they fired PJ De Luca the guy in charge of video. Not sure how last year's crap-fest remotely falls on him, but hey, need to open up spots for more of the Lacroix family.


Oh and today, Lappy turned down their one year offer. Come on, he can actually kill penalties and is a true heart and soul guy. Another crappy move. Anyway, here is the Sports Illustrated article that sound like it came from Milo's!

How to fail a breathalyzer

Naughty moments....